Ok I can finally admit it. I am a pain loving slut. Pain gets me wetter, hornier and more turned on then anything else. I get hot from both the sensations themselves and the emotional links to being out of control, humiliated, under duress, suffering, and being afraid. I crave controlled pain, I want it, I need it, I want it hard, I want more of it, I want to be broken down, I want to cry, and I want to want it to stop. Hurt me, please. Make me suffer, please. Deny me, tie me, whip me, tease me, spank me, cane me, flog me, humiliate me, choke me, slap me, clamp me...please. When it comes to pain I am selfish and greedy. I want it, I enjoy it, its a reward, its a pleasure. Please make me hurt.
Wow, now that only took me years to admit. Just wanted to go the whole mile and admit it to all who stop to read it. When I first entered my relationship with my master I entered with a bag load of yummy fantasies that I had rubbed off to over the years. In those fantasies, which I wrote and scripted I had 0 control. Id be kidnapped, or rapped, or blackmailed...but poor, poor me had to experience exactly the kind of pain I wanted, in exactly the situation I wanted, for as long as I wanted. Poor victim me! I didn't want the pain (oh lets get the bad guy to tie me up and whip me next) I didn't want the humiliation (I furiously masturbate as I decide the bad guy slaps me in the face and forces me to suck his cock). It was all (oh so deliciously) out of my control.
So remove my fingers from my pussy and enter reality. I have a perfectly wholesome, take home to your parents type, treat me well sort of guy. He is also willing to be a perfectly horrendous bastard and take me to my knees in pain and humiliation. Perfect. Just one small problem. In the non consensual fantasies I had scripted, written and directed I was never asked to communicate. I just got hurt and mistreated with 0 control, well at least that's how I wrote it to play out. They read something like this.
M. I am going to fuck you up so bad bitch,.
s. fuck you, you bastard let me go.
M. (beats the shit out of me)
s. (curses and screams and begs)
Now along came reality and things didn't quite go that way. Sure I still got beaten but he actually wanted input, wanted into my head, wanted me to make choices. I freaked out, choices and opinions felt way too much like control so I evaded. Dramatized examples:
M. Do you want more bitch?
s. I don't know.
M. How many strokes should I give you?
s. As many as you want Master.
M. What should I hurt you with?
s. Whatever you want Master.
M. Did you enjoy yourself?
s. Yes Master.
M. What did you enjoy?
s. All of it
M. What was your favorite.
s.I don't know, I liked all of it
I am privy to the knowledge that this style of interaction was infuriating. I was ordered to write a journal about my fantasies. I wrote nice, pretty fantasies based in reality with him as the star. I was ordered to answer the questions, I obeyed with trite, monosyllabic, non enlightening responses. This all would of been a bigger problem if my non verbal communication wasn't excellent. Also, massive orgasms, sped up breathing and huge smiles when it was done answered many of his questions for me.
Things have changed. Ive grown comfortable with him, Ive grown up. Ive learned through my one serious punishment that when I don't want pain it doesn't turn me on. Ive learned that communication really makes things better. Ive also learned that wanting pain and begging for it puts him in even more control then before. He knows what I like, what I want, and its all in his hands whether or not I get it. He has said before that he gets off on controlling both my pain and my pleasure. If I don't tell him which is which then really I am controlling things more then if I tell him exactly what triggers everything pushes. EUREAKA! In reality being tortured by a bad man just isn't hot. Being lead blindfolded down a path of pain and pleasure by a guy that loves you and knows just how to mess with you most- now that's hot.
So things have changed. My self acceptance as a masochist has opened up many new ways for him to torture me. some examples.
s. Please Master, would you hurt me just a little more before I leave?
M. We will see bitch, I'm kinda tired.
M. How many strokes can you take?
s. maybe 20 master?
M. good, lets double it.
s. Master I love it when you shove your cock down your throat and cut off my air.
M. It feels good?
s. No, it feels humiliating and makes me panic that I cant breath. Its so hard not to choke and gag and it makes my throat burn from the use and later my voice is all raspy.
M. and you like it.
s. Yes master.
(files info away, now he can humiliate me by reminding me I like it, reward me with lots of it when he wants to, tease me by withholding his cock and if he wants to punish me he knows that that activity is out.)
So this pain slut has finally figured out how to rectify non consensual fantasies with reality. knowledge is power, his power.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Three's not a crowd
Once upon a time (a few weeks ago) in a far away land...
She`s shy, its her first time with a woman, with a couple and I can tell she is nervous. I want her, shes beautiful, her lips are huge and her breasts way beyond typical Japanese size. I want to make her comfortable but I also just want to devour her. I compromise and take off my shirt, now I'm naked from the waist up and I tell her its only fair I at least get to see her bra. This works this game of trading clothes, and the 3 of us are naked, my much preferred state of being.
Those lips, I have been hyper-focused on them since the first time I met them. Now I know I can have them I cant distract myself.
"please may I kiss you?"
She eagerly consents, I think shed been waiting too. We kiss, and I can feel her shyness melt away. Her mouth opens and we timidly explore each others mouths. I am the first girl she has ever kissed. A leaves to give us some privacy and we explore each others bodies. Her nipples are amazing, they stick up so much when they get hard. I love playing with them, what makes it even better are that her nipples are extra responsive and I can hear her moan and her breathing change as my tongue and lips tease them.
"May I taste you?"
I am shocked as this request has come from her lips, those beautiful sexy lips. She is not the shy girl from before. Her hair has fallen lose and is slightly dishevelled, her face has a blush to is and her eyes read passion. I love watching the conservative type let completely lose. The contrast makes it so much sexier.
She goes down on me.
"please, tell me what to do"
That simply phrase makes me so hot. I guide her, but she is a natural and mostly just needs assurance. It is always so different your first time with a woman. I hear A enter the room and his fingers are on my nipples. He starts twisting them hard. I am bucking now and my slut is completely free. The mix of his rough hands and her soft tongue is heaven.
I want to return the favor, to be the first woman to lick her pussy. I pull her into a sitting position and get on the floor between her legs. A begins to kiss her and explore her breasts. I can tell she is overwhelmed by sensation as I begin lick at her clit. She is in trouble now, A and I have been given the green light to devour her and we aren't hesitating.
Threesomes always involve the sexiest amount of chaos. Sucking, fucking, licking, kissing, fondling, hands everywhere, so many body parts to play with. I love it. A fucks her and it is so hot to watch. She is not used to such a large cock and I cant help but get turned on by her gasps of slight pain as she gets used to accommodating him. She is completely lost in the moment, no fake porn expressions from her -just real passion as she groans, grunts and tosses her head.
The three of us our exhausted, A has fucked us silly and we have licked and fingered and tormented each other repeatedly. I have cum multiple times but I know that she cant cum from internal and still hasn't orgasmed. A leaves us lying there exhausted as he goes to shower and I am determined that she will orgasm before the night is out. I use my fingers and mouth asking what she likes. She moans and groans but I can tell she cant quite go over.
"please show me"
She brings her hands down and plays with herself. She is the opposite of me, all about the clit and likes it softer. I am turned on so much by this beautiful girl lying there playing with herself. I go nuts on her nipples and this dual sensation seems to be what she needs to fall over. She orgasms hard, laughing and smiling.
We curl up on the couch, her and A on it and me curled up as my Masters feet while her hands run through my hair. Shed asked me at our initial meet how I could be so comfortable with A having sex with another girl. I think she gets it now. I love women's bodies and I love men's, I love hard and I love soft, I love watching people have sex and I love having sex. Its very rare in life you can have your cake and eat it too, i`m determined to make the most of it!
She`s shy, its her first time with a woman, with a couple and I can tell she is nervous. I want her, shes beautiful, her lips are huge and her breasts way beyond typical Japanese size. I want to make her comfortable but I also just want to devour her. I compromise and take off my shirt, now I'm naked from the waist up and I tell her its only fair I at least get to see her bra. This works this game of trading clothes, and the 3 of us are naked, my much preferred state of being.
Those lips, I have been hyper-focused on them since the first time I met them. Now I know I can have them I cant distract myself.
"please may I kiss you?"
She eagerly consents, I think shed been waiting too. We kiss, and I can feel her shyness melt away. Her mouth opens and we timidly explore each others mouths. I am the first girl she has ever kissed. A leaves to give us some privacy and we explore each others bodies. Her nipples are amazing, they stick up so much when they get hard. I love playing with them, what makes it even better are that her nipples are extra responsive and I can hear her moan and her breathing change as my tongue and lips tease them.
"May I taste you?"
I am shocked as this request has come from her lips, those beautiful sexy lips. She is not the shy girl from before. Her hair has fallen lose and is slightly dishevelled, her face has a blush to is and her eyes read passion. I love watching the conservative type let completely lose. The contrast makes it so much sexier.
She goes down on me.
"please, tell me what to do"
That simply phrase makes me so hot. I guide her, but she is a natural and mostly just needs assurance. It is always so different your first time with a woman. I hear A enter the room and his fingers are on my nipples. He starts twisting them hard. I am bucking now and my slut is completely free. The mix of his rough hands and her soft tongue is heaven.
I want to return the favor, to be the first woman to lick her pussy. I pull her into a sitting position and get on the floor between her legs. A begins to kiss her and explore her breasts. I can tell she is overwhelmed by sensation as I begin lick at her clit. She is in trouble now, A and I have been given the green light to devour her and we aren't hesitating.
Threesomes always involve the sexiest amount of chaos. Sucking, fucking, licking, kissing, fondling, hands everywhere, so many body parts to play with. I love it. A fucks her and it is so hot to watch. She is not used to such a large cock and I cant help but get turned on by her gasps of slight pain as she gets used to accommodating him. She is completely lost in the moment, no fake porn expressions from her -just real passion as she groans, grunts and tosses her head.
The three of us our exhausted, A has fucked us silly and we have licked and fingered and tormented each other repeatedly. I have cum multiple times but I know that she cant cum from internal and still hasn't orgasmed. A leaves us lying there exhausted as he goes to shower and I am determined that she will orgasm before the night is out. I use my fingers and mouth asking what she likes. She moans and groans but I can tell she cant quite go over.
"please show me"
She brings her hands down and plays with herself. She is the opposite of me, all about the clit and likes it softer. I am turned on so much by this beautiful girl lying there playing with herself. I go nuts on her nipples and this dual sensation seems to be what she needs to fall over. She orgasms hard, laughing and smiling.
We curl up on the couch, her and A on it and me curled up as my Masters feet while her hands run through my hair. Shed asked me at our initial meet how I could be so comfortable with A having sex with another girl. I think she gets it now. I love women's bodies and I love men's, I love hard and I love soft, I love watching people have sex and I love having sex. Its very rare in life you can have your cake and eat it too, i`m determined to make the most of it!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sadistic Friends
My vanilla friends are way more sadistic then the kinky ones I know! Yesterday for my birthday I received an electric fly swatter from my dear friend E. She knows all about me and my lifestyle and does her best to understand but mostly just loves me despite how weird she thinks i am. The best kind of Friend:) Her knowing all my kinkiness has come in very handy as since she is Japanese I have used her for multiple translation services in sex stores
So awhile ago, I was sitting in a bar with her and her boyfriend and we start playing with an electric fly swatter they had there. I just had to find out how much it hurt and tested it. Ouch!!! They followed suit with lots of jumping and cursing. She doesn't quite get the whole pain thing, I was complaining that it hurt and she protested "but you like pain!". I retorted that i only like pain in sexual contexts. She ponders this, "so then if A did it to you, you'd like it?" I explained that it would still hurt but yes it would probably turn me on. I failed to notice the evil glint in her eye.
She is all excited to give me my present. Knowing her I was expecting a giant dildo or something of the sort. Instead there is a pretty pink racket, an electric fly swatter. She tells me excitedly that this one hurts even more then the other one -she knows because she tested it on her boyfriend. I shock a poor helpless friend who was sitting beside me to test it out. He jumps up and screams and shouts in Japanese for a couple good minutes. I try it, maybe he is just a wus after all . Nope, it hurts! and it makes a scary buzzing sound and sparks fly.
I tell her that I think I will neglect to tell A about this new present. She tells me not to worry and that she will be sure to tell him all about it at my bday party. She also wants to be sure to hear all about the details of how its use goes. I have tried to explain to her that she has some very sadistic qualities.
I look it up on the bdsm forums (I love the fact that I can count on there being other nuts out there who have tried even the oddest items). The thing is getting rave review, people love it! Then I start reading the comments and come to quickly understand that it is the person who uses it that raves about it so much. Subs comments mostly involve tales of hate and lots and lots of pain,
So now my options, hope she doesn't get a chance to mention it to A, Lose it or break it "accidentally" before she mentions it, beg for its exemption from our play toys or suck it up. Im thinking any showing of fear or aversion to it will just get it used much faster...and to be honest the more I think about it, the more my logical side gets out bid. It could be interesting to try...being tied up, hearing the scary buzzing sound, anticipating but never knowing when he will press the trigger, him teasing and laughing when i flinch and nothings been done and then suddenly ZAP! Hmmmm, it just might not be so bad after all. Besides we are playing meet the family at Christmas so a toy that doesn't leave marks could have its benefits...
Wanders off muttering to self about this freaking masochistic thing being no good for me at all.
So awhile ago, I was sitting in a bar with her and her boyfriend and we start playing with an electric fly swatter they had there. I just had to find out how much it hurt and tested it. Ouch!!! They followed suit with lots of jumping and cursing. She doesn't quite get the whole pain thing, I was complaining that it hurt and she protested "but you like pain!". I retorted that i only like pain in sexual contexts. She ponders this, "so then if A did it to you, you'd like it?" I explained that it would still hurt but yes it would probably turn me on. I failed to notice the evil glint in her eye.
She is all excited to give me my present. Knowing her I was expecting a giant dildo or something of the sort. Instead there is a pretty pink racket, an electric fly swatter. She tells me excitedly that this one hurts even more then the other one -she knows because she tested it on her boyfriend. I shock a poor helpless friend who was sitting beside me to test it out. He jumps up and screams and shouts in Japanese for a couple good minutes. I try it, maybe he is just a wus after all . Nope, it hurts! and it makes a scary buzzing sound and sparks fly.
I tell her that I think I will neglect to tell A about this new present. She tells me not to worry and that she will be sure to tell him all about it at my bday party. She also wants to be sure to hear all about the details of how its use goes. I have tried to explain to her that she has some very sadistic qualities.
I look it up on the bdsm forums (I love the fact that I can count on there being other nuts out there who have tried even the oddest items). The thing is getting rave review, people love it! Then I start reading the comments and come to quickly understand that it is the person who uses it that raves about it so much. Subs comments mostly involve tales of hate and lots and lots of pain,
So now my options, hope she doesn't get a chance to mention it to A, Lose it or break it "accidentally" before she mentions it, beg for its exemption from our play toys or suck it up. Im thinking any showing of fear or aversion to it will just get it used much faster...and to be honest the more I think about it, the more my logical side gets out bid. It could be interesting to try...being tied up, hearing the scary buzzing sound, anticipating but never knowing when he will press the trigger, him teasing and laughing when i flinch and nothings been done and then suddenly ZAP! Hmmmm, it just might not be so bad after all. Besides we are playing meet the family at Christmas so a toy that doesn't leave marks could have its benefits...
Wanders off muttering to self about this freaking masochistic thing being no good for me at all.
Breaking the cane
Once upon a time (Saturday afternoon) in a land far away...
I have been horny since Thursday. Our new rule gives me permission to masturbate at will up until wednesday but after that I am cut off to leave me horny for the weekend. So Thursday night came and I tried my best to beg for an exception to the rule, but no such luck.
So Saturday comes and there is cleaning to do and my Master needs to work out. I decide that all those activities go much better with porn on in the background and go eagerly about downloading the newest releases of fucked and bound, sex and submission and The Training of O. I am a true masochist and like digging my own grave. Two things happen when I put on sm porn, I get even hornier and Master gets even more sadistic. He is an intelligent sadist and knows that fucking me and beating me is not really sadistic at all, but making me wait, leaving me horny, dipping a few fingers in and then walking away...oh yes now that, that is sadistic. And so we clean and watch porn for a few hours at which point I am way, way past horny and Master is enjoying teasing and delaying. Getting my sex drive way past the point of a teenage boy left on a deserted nudist island populated solely by swim suit models is one of his hobbies and unfortunately something that he can get all too easy from me.
Thankfully he likes sex too, and since he gets what he wants I eventually find myself wonderfully bound face up over our trusty weight lifting bench my legs tied open and raised for easy access. He flogs and whips me, focusing on my breasts and inner thighs. Then he brings out the cane, I am owed 30 hard cane strokes (a slight correction for my humorous assertion that my master was indeed crazy, messed up and weird - I got 10 for each adjective). That's what happens when I think teasing and harassing the same guy who will have me bound down later with a whip in hand is a good idea. He decides that my breasts will get 10, my thighs 15 and then 5 hard ones on the ass to finish it off.
I have been in an intense masochistic mood the last few weeks and tonight is no different. I want all of it, the face slaps, the chocking throat fucking, the pussy slapping, the floggers, the canes, the humiliation...use me please. I take the first cane strokes surprisingly well, my breasts and my thighs are my most sensitive areas but today I my tolerance is high so of course he starts hitting harder. He flips me over onto my front and tells me to grab the upper edge of the weight lifting bench and that if I let go, well lets just say there is a level of pain even masochists don't enjoy. He knows how horny a difficult challenge makes me and I am due 5 more very hard ones. They come and I ask for more. He gives me 10 more initially and I am flying, I am mumbling and begging him not to stop, please not to stop. He keeps hitting me even after the tip of the cane breaks off, giving me a ryhthmn to get lost to. I am so close to orgasm, I want it so bad but I cant quite fall over from the pain alone.
He realises that I cant quite get there and jams a few helpful fingers in my pussy. It takes seconds and I am done. I really want to orgasm from just pain and he'd love to facilitate that. This is the closest Ive gotten so I'm definitely getting there.
He gives me a few minutes to rest which I do, slung over the weight lifting bench, hands still holding the ascribed position. He comes back and crouches in front of me. He chokes and gags me with his cock as rams it down my throat as I struggle to adjust to accommodate it with the limited movement I have. I have gained a new affinity for lack of oxygen. My deep throat skills are improving and I love having his cock buried in my throat while I struggle to not panic and not chock. He has realised that I love this so much that he has taken to withholding his cock from me as part of his teasing routine. He will sit their stroking it off himself knowing full well how much I want it in my mouth. Pure sadist. Then he will get me begging, and enjoying humiliating me while I try desperately to get it back in my mouth - all of which gets me hotter, which makes me want it more. Which gets him harder, which makes him more sadistic, his sadism turns me more on, makes me want it more, makes him enjoy withholding it more...and so we dance.
Finally he decides that I have earned the sex and he lies down on the bench. Its a perfect position for me to straddle him and I do gleefully. Being able to throw my legs over my side make me able to move much easier then the typical crouch position and I go nuts. I work up a frenzy, while he takes swats at my breasts dangling in front of him. I feel myself getting close and bring one hand down to play with my clit. He starts helping me out pushing upwards against me and as soon as permission is given I orgasm. He is close too though and isn't going to have me collapsing on top of him after orgasm as per routine. I obey his orders to keep going and exhausted and flying keep pounding down onto him. He comes and we lie there a sweaty exhausted heat. Perfect.
I have been horny since Thursday. Our new rule gives me permission to masturbate at will up until wednesday but after that I am cut off to leave me horny for the weekend. So Thursday night came and I tried my best to beg for an exception to the rule, but no such luck.
So Saturday comes and there is cleaning to do and my Master needs to work out. I decide that all those activities go much better with porn on in the background and go eagerly about downloading the newest releases of fucked and bound, sex and submission and The Training of O. I am a true masochist and like digging my own grave. Two things happen when I put on sm porn, I get even hornier and Master gets even more sadistic. He is an intelligent sadist and knows that fucking me and beating me is not really sadistic at all, but making me wait, leaving me horny, dipping a few fingers in and then walking away...oh yes now that, that is sadistic. And so we clean and watch porn for a few hours at which point I am way, way past horny and Master is enjoying teasing and delaying. Getting my sex drive way past the point of a teenage boy left on a deserted nudist island populated solely by swim suit models is one of his hobbies and unfortunately something that he can get all too easy from me.
Thankfully he likes sex too, and since he gets what he wants I eventually find myself wonderfully bound face up over our trusty weight lifting bench my legs tied open and raised for easy access. He flogs and whips me, focusing on my breasts and inner thighs. Then he brings out the cane, I am owed 30 hard cane strokes (a slight correction for my humorous assertion that my master was indeed crazy, messed up and weird - I got 10 for each adjective). That's what happens when I think teasing and harassing the same guy who will have me bound down later with a whip in hand is a good idea. He decides that my breasts will get 10, my thighs 15 and then 5 hard ones on the ass to finish it off.
I have been in an intense masochistic mood the last few weeks and tonight is no different. I want all of it, the face slaps, the chocking throat fucking, the pussy slapping, the floggers, the canes, the humiliation...use me please. I take the first cane strokes surprisingly well, my breasts and my thighs are my most sensitive areas but today I my tolerance is high so of course he starts hitting harder. He flips me over onto my front and tells me to grab the upper edge of the weight lifting bench and that if I let go, well lets just say there is a level of pain even masochists don't enjoy. He knows how horny a difficult challenge makes me and I am due 5 more very hard ones. They come and I ask for more. He gives me 10 more initially and I am flying, I am mumbling and begging him not to stop, please not to stop. He keeps hitting me even after the tip of the cane breaks off, giving me a ryhthmn to get lost to. I am so close to orgasm, I want it so bad but I cant quite fall over from the pain alone.
He realises that I cant quite get there and jams a few helpful fingers in my pussy. It takes seconds and I am done. I really want to orgasm from just pain and he'd love to facilitate that. This is the closest Ive gotten so I'm definitely getting there.
He gives me a few minutes to rest which I do, slung over the weight lifting bench, hands still holding the ascribed position. He comes back and crouches in front of me. He chokes and gags me with his cock as rams it down my throat as I struggle to adjust to accommodate it with the limited movement I have. I have gained a new affinity for lack of oxygen. My deep throat skills are improving and I love having his cock buried in my throat while I struggle to not panic and not chock. He has realised that I love this so much that he has taken to withholding his cock from me as part of his teasing routine. He will sit their stroking it off himself knowing full well how much I want it in my mouth. Pure sadist. Then he will get me begging, and enjoying humiliating me while I try desperately to get it back in my mouth - all of which gets me hotter, which makes me want it more. Which gets him harder, which makes him more sadistic, his sadism turns me more on, makes me want it more, makes him enjoy withholding it more...and so we dance.
Finally he decides that I have earned the sex and he lies down on the bench. Its a perfect position for me to straddle him and I do gleefully. Being able to throw my legs over my side make me able to move much easier then the typical crouch position and I go nuts. I work up a frenzy, while he takes swats at my breasts dangling in front of him. I feel myself getting close and bring one hand down to play with my clit. He starts helping me out pushing upwards against me and as soon as permission is given I orgasm. He is close too though and isn't going to have me collapsing on top of him after orgasm as per routine. I obey his orders to keep going and exhausted and flying keep pounding down onto him. He comes and we lie there a sweaty exhausted heat. Perfect.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Porn stars cry too
I just had to dedicate a post to my favorite porn star Madison Young. She is amazing, beautiful in the natural way I love, submissive with intelligence, masochistic with spirit and simply so hot to watch.
I first saw her in an SAS show with Mark Davis. Amazing. However, I recently watched 3 episodes of her with her real life master and lover in The Training of O. It was so beautiful to see the mix of emotion and eroticism this brought for her. They had agreed to use the show to work out a service relationship. There was one moment that just showed so clearly what the whole power dynamic means to me. He has just used her hard, forced exercise, whippings, an ass fucking and she is standing at attention. He starts quizzing her.
Are you willing to suck cock anywhere any time?
>Yes sir.
Anyone's cock that I say?
>Yes sir.
Not just mine?
>Yes sir.
Are you willing to let go of me as a lover to be my servant?
>(long pause) Yes sir.
Then get down on your knees and present yourself like a servant.
>(obeys, as a few tears trickle down her face)
Why are you crying?
>At the thought of giving you up as a lover sir.
You know you can not be my servant every day in reality?
>Yes sir
You know that becoming a servant is an adjacency to our existing relationship?
>Yes sir
You know you are not losing me as a lover then?
You are gaining something you are not losing anything.
>Yes sir, thank you sir
Are you ok, do you wish to continue?
>Yes sir.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with my master this weekend.
Do you want me to be harder on you slave?
>(pause) Yes master.
Do you want to be treated like nothing, used like a hoar, like my property?
>Sometimes master.
Do you want to be my treasured beautiful slut?
>Sometimes master.
What do you want right now?
>To be nothing master.
And it was true, right then I wanted nothing more then to be on my knees at his feet, to suck his cock, to take his pain and humilarion and bring him pleasure. Afterwards he showered me, held me, kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I love that I can be everything and nothing to the same man. His lover and his slave. I need the separation to truly let go into slave mode. I could see how hard it was for Madison to imagine giving up the side of a lover and could see from his response how much he cared for her too and would never go that far.
My overpowering need for a sense of divide is the reason I do not consider myself 24/7. When I am in slave mode it is so strong and powerful to me that it would be impossible for me to have that on a continuous basis. However, I do not decide when I serve or where I serve. The power is in his hands continuously but I am only expected to access the submissive side at his wish. The collar signifies this for us. Everyone's definitions are different, but that is how it works best for us. The power is fluid, some rules are fluid but my full on submissive mode is only turned at his will.
I first saw her in an SAS show with Mark Davis. Amazing. However, I recently watched 3 episodes of her with her real life master and lover in The Training of O. It was so beautiful to see the mix of emotion and eroticism this brought for her. They had agreed to use the show to work out a service relationship. There was one moment that just showed so clearly what the whole power dynamic means to me. He has just used her hard, forced exercise, whippings, an ass fucking and she is standing at attention. He starts quizzing her.
Are you willing to suck cock anywhere any time?
>Yes sir.
Anyone's cock that I say?
>Yes sir.
Not just mine?
>Yes sir.
Are you willing to let go of me as a lover to be my servant?>(long pause) Yes sir.
Then get down on your knees and present yourself like a servant.
>(obeys, as a few tears trickle down her face)
Why are you crying?
>At the thought of giving you up as a lover sir.
You know you can not be my servant every day in reality?
>Yes sir
You know that becoming a servant is an adjacency to our existing relationship?
>Yes sir
You know you are not losing me as a lover then?
You are gaining something you are not losing anything.
>Yes sir, thank you sir
Are you ok, do you wish to continue?
>Yes sir.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with my master this weekend.
Do you want me to be harder on you slave?
>(pause) Yes master.
Do you want to be treated like nothing, used like a hoar, like my property?
>Sometimes master.
Do you want to be my treasured beautiful slut?
>Sometimes master.
What do you want right now?
>To be nothing master.
And it was true, right then I wanted nothing more then to be on my knees at his feet, to suck his cock, to take his pain and humilarion and bring him pleasure. Afterwards he showered me, held me, kissed me and told me how much he loved me. I love that I can be everything and nothing to the same man. His lover and his slave. I need the separation to truly let go into slave mode. I could see how hard it was for Madison to imagine giving up the side of a lover and could see from his response how much he cared for her too and would never go that far.
My overpowering need for a sense of divide is the reason I do not consider myself 24/7. When I am in slave mode it is so strong and powerful to me that it would be impossible for me to have that on a continuous basis. However, I do not decide when I serve or where I serve. The power is in his hands continuously but I am only expected to access the submissive side at his wish. The collar signifies this for us. Everyone's definitions are different, but that is how it works best for us. The power is fluid, some rules are fluid but my full on submissive mode is only turned at his will.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Tears
continued from Dishevelled
Once upon a time in a faraway land...
He runs his hand over my marks and then trails his lips over them. My now tender flesh trembles beneath him.
"Lift your head, I want to see your tears"
Once upon a time in a faraway land...
He runs his hand over my marks and then trails his lips over them. My now tender flesh trembles beneath him.
"Lift your head, I want to see your tears"
I obey, lifting my tear streaked, blotchy, sweaty face framed by matted hair to him.
"God your beautiful"
He unties me, slowly and tenderly. He massages my aching shoulders and pulls me to him. He wraps me in his arms and I sink into him. His arms have always been my favourite binds.
He lays me back onto the bench, this time on my back, my hands under my head. He starts licking my pussy, long teasing laps. It doesn’t last long; he wants to hurt me more. He brings out the lighter flogger and takes aim at my breasts. They shudder and shake under its blow, the nipples crinkling and expanding as their sensitivity is exploited. He strokes my breasts twisting my nipples. I don’t know where it came from but I drift.
“Hurt me master, please hurt me more”
He obliges
“Please master I want you pain, make them hurt, please make them hurt”
He looks at me tears streaming down my face. I beg him with my eyes. Devour me, take me, I want this, I need this. He twists my nipples harder and harder. Whimpers and gasps interrupt my begging.
“Please master hurt me”
Whap! His hand strikes out at my breast then Whap! He takes the other one. I am silent now; you don’t talk when the beast is free. He strikes and twists grabs and squeezes. Our eyes are locked. Our primal sides holding on to the other. He stops.
“Thank you master”
He knows I’m thanking him for the pain. His lips tenderly kiss my nipples his tongue tracing over its inflamed surface. His teeth sink in, hard. He pulls and stretches it with his teeth, his other hand squeezing my other breast, a vice with claws. I moan and toss, I am riding the wave of pain, and my pussy is clenching its approval.
“Please, please, please, please...”
I don’t know what I’m begging for but he does. He releases my breast and his fingers find my pussy. He slams them in hard and brutally. Fast and hard. I am mumbling incoherently and seconds later I’m gone.
I am lost in the orgasm. Shaking, sobbing, moaning and laughing. My feet are cramping, my breathing is out of control. I try to tell him I’m ok through the tears but he simply lifts my head into his lap.
“Shhhh baby, relax and enjoy”
Friday, November 16, 2007
Dishevelled
Once upon a time in a faraway land, a prince with a whip had a present to give.
Monday night.
when he is holding a cane. I quickly obey. He nails 2 hard ones right after another and I gasp and swear and snap my thighs together. The burn this time lasts over a minute. Those two will welt.
"What’d I just tell you? Those two don’t count"
We start again. Suddenly it’s just pain, there are no pauses. The burn compounds upon itself. I am thrashing my head back and forth, swearing and kicking my legs to the best of my ability. He hits me one strike after another, hard without the merciful pause while the pain dies. Finally the blows stop but the pain lingers as I try to compose myself. He runs his hand over my marks and then trails his lips over them. My now tender flesh trembles beneath him.
"Lift your head, I want to see your tears."
I obey, lifting my tear streaked, blotchy, sweaty, matted hair framed face to him.
Monday night.
I am kneeling and my stomach is laid flat against the length of a weight lifting bench. My arms are stretched out in front of me; my hands wrapped securely together in rope are tied down. My knees just reach the floor but any movement I might possibly have is cut off by the coarse hemp rope securing my waste to the bench. I can’t move and it turns me on.
His hands run over my ass, he kneels in closer to me, his cheek to my butt check
"God I love this ass."
He leaves and I lie there, waiting, wondering, horny.
He comes back, keeping out of view and I hear the heavy clatter of equipment hitting the table.
"It’s time to bring the pain back. You’ve got off easy lately, haven’t you slave?"
I feel the familiar thud of my favorite black flogger. I love this flogger, its heavy, with long, tough black leather. It looks so good hanging on our wall and feels even better against my skin. He has perfect access to my back, ass and thighs. He uses it. Hard blow after blow fall on me. I tense, I intake sharply and I love it. This isn’t the pain he was talking about, this is pure pleasure. He knows it too, the flogger doesn’t scare me enough, it hurts but I can take the worst it can give me. This is a warm-up.
He pours our bag of clothespins of the table.
"How many should I give you?
It’s rhetorical.
“All of them of course."
They are going on my ass. They bite into my skin with sharp momentary pain that lingers and slowly dulls into an ache. I wish I could turn around to see them; it must look so ridiculous, me lying there with 20 or 30 odd clothespins attached to my ass and thighs. This hurts, not unbearably but I know with each moment he leaves them on it will be worse when he takes them off. He grabs me by the hair and pulls my face up off the bench. He kisses me long and hard, and walks away.
I lie there trying to figure out how many clothespins are on me from the spots of pain. It’s hopeless. I love this feeling, the pain is unavoidable, I can’t move, can’t take them off, all I can do is lie there and accept it. I feel myself drifting into my submissive state and I am horny as anything. I am anxious for him to come back, not so he can remove the clothespins but on the off chance he lets me have an orgasm.
He returns. I can hear him walking up behind me. Suddenly I’m not thinking, its blinding pain. I’m cursing, kicking, gasping. It lasts only a few seconds but it takes me a lot longer to collect my breath and calm down.
"Shhh, he whispers, stroking my hair. It’s ok"
He had flogged them off, now that is real pain. He starts slowly fingering my drenched pussy. Pain does that to it. I’m already close and he makes sure he doesn’t go fast enough for me to cum. He teases, getting me to ask to orgasm and then withdraws, nice and hard and, then
"nope, you’re not getting that yet"
Finally he pounds his fingers into me, hard and fast, my sure fire recipe to release. And I cum, letting out my trademark database of swear words only accessed during sex.
He assures me he is just getting started as I lay there exhausted from the orgasm. He brings out our collection of canes and I feel my adrenaline start to rise. I love canes because I fear them. They can do damage to whatever level he wishes. I have to lie there waiting to find out what today’s menu is. He holds them in front of me and has me select one with my mouth. I do.
He varies, hard with lighter, sensitive skin with tougher and long pauses with short pauses. There is no rhythm and I am struggling
to regulate my frantic breathing.
"10 more, keep your thighs open"
My inner thighs are brutally sensitive. The last thing I want to do is open them
 |
| My freshly caned ass |
"What’d I just tell you? Those two don’t count"
We start again. Suddenly it’s just pain, there are no pauses. The burn compounds upon itself. I am thrashing my head back and forth, swearing and kicking my legs to the best of my ability. He hits me one strike after another, hard without the merciful pause while the pain dies. Finally the blows stop but the pain lingers as I try to compose myself. He runs his hand over my marks and then trails his lips over them. My now tender flesh trembles beneath him.
"Lift your head, I want to see your tears."
I obey, lifting my tear streaked, blotchy, sweaty, matted hair framed face to him.
"God your beautiful"
...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Why didn't little red riding hood at least let the wolf eat her out?
continued from Finding the Beast
Once upon a time in a faraway land a young woman sets off into the jungles of Tokyo to find the beast...
I am waiting at hachiko statue, a statue of a dog on the corner of Tokyo's most insane intersection. I took the safety precaution of public very literally. I am nervous as hell and am not even convinced that I will recognize him when he comes. Internet only showed me a few small photos he had of him.
He finds me though and introduces himself with unwavering confidence. His eyes trail up and down my body not in the typical lecherous "I want you look" but more in a relaxed, just checking out my property type of way. It makes me hot, it unnerves me...Did he just ask me a question? Breathe out, pull yourself together, there is no reason to be nervous -this guy just knows all your dirty little secrets you've never told anyone else. Breathe. Ok this is awkward, maybe I want Internet to join us after all.
We head off to dinner. A quiet place he knows of. I start to relax a bit over dinner. We are talking about such normal things, just like any other first date -until M² makes his first appearance that is. He asks me to move closer to him and he positions the chair so I am almost directly across from him. I can tell my nervousness is turning him on and he is enjoying it. He starts asking embarrassing questions as his hands slowly touch me for the first time. I giggle, I lose half my intelligence, I can’t remember for the life of me what he asked.
We move on to a bar, the world cup is on, Croatia vs. Japan. Everyone is watching the game and he wants to play with his new toy. I am not into public play, I get embarrassed and humiliated, and yes wet, very wet I admit that, but I still don't really like it - my body just likes to play tricks on me. He has me stick out my tongue and licks it all the way up before diving in for the prolonged French kiss. He has me sit in front of him and pulls up a chair behind me as we make pretence of watching the game.
His hands explore, dipping into my bra, pinching my nipples, into my jeans finding my pussy and clit. What the hell is going on! I am a good girl; I so do not allow guys to do this to me in public. Why is it then that i am frozen, blood red but unable to protest? I am so turned on but I also want to melt into the floor. I mean come out two foreigners already stick out bad enough in a Japanese bar! He fingers my clit to a small orgasm, but not until he makes me ask for permission. Did I mention I am a preacher’s daughter?
He walks me to my train. I want him bad, but we have last train to worry about. He makes sure I am left with a last thought though as he forcefully pushes me against the wall of the subway ignoring my feeble protests that we might be seen. He reaches his hand inside my pants and gets a finger into my ridiculously wet pussy.
He licks his finger while I watch in horror, telling me he just wanted a taste.
I still have his text message from that train home.
"I am sitting on the train sucking my finger.
Fuck you taste good.
People are looking at me like I am crazy."
What had I gotten myself into? I think I have the idea of fairy tales mixed up, you are supposed to run from the beat so he doesn't eat you - not encourage him to feast.
But then again maybe red riding hood would of been much more interesting if she'd at least let the wolf eat her out.
Once upon a time in a faraway land a young woman sets off into the jungles of Tokyo to find the beast...
I am waiting at hachiko statue, a statue of a dog on the corner of Tokyo's most insane intersection. I took the safety precaution of public very literally. I am nervous as hell and am not even convinced that I will recognize him when he comes. Internet only showed me a few small photos he had of him.
He finds me though and introduces himself with unwavering confidence. His eyes trail up and down my body not in the typical lecherous "I want you look" but more in a relaxed, just checking out my property type of way. It makes me hot, it unnerves me...Did he just ask me a question? Breathe out, pull yourself together, there is no reason to be nervous -this guy just knows all your dirty little secrets you've never told anyone else. Breathe. Ok this is awkward, maybe I want Internet to join us after all.
We head off to dinner. A quiet place he knows of. I start to relax a bit over dinner. We are talking about such normal things, just like any other first date -until M² makes his first appearance that is. He asks me to move closer to him and he positions the chair so I am almost directly across from him. I can tell my nervousness is turning him on and he is enjoying it. He starts asking embarrassing questions as his hands slowly touch me for the first time. I giggle, I lose half my intelligence, I can’t remember for the life of me what he asked.
We move on to a bar, the world cup is on, Croatia vs. Japan. Everyone is watching the game and he wants to play with his new toy. I am not into public play, I get embarrassed and humiliated, and yes wet, very wet I admit that, but I still don't really like it - my body just likes to play tricks on me. He has me stick out my tongue and licks it all the way up before diving in for the prolonged French kiss. He has me sit in front of him and pulls up a chair behind me as we make pretence of watching the game.
His hands explore, dipping into my bra, pinching my nipples, into my jeans finding my pussy and clit. What the hell is going on! I am a good girl; I so do not allow guys to do this to me in public. Why is it then that i am frozen, blood red but unable to protest? I am so turned on but I also want to melt into the floor. I mean come out two foreigners already stick out bad enough in a Japanese bar! He fingers my clit to a small orgasm, but not until he makes me ask for permission. Did I mention I am a preacher’s daughter?
He walks me to my train. I want him bad, but we have last train to worry about. He makes sure I am left with a last thought though as he forcefully pushes me against the wall of the subway ignoring my feeble protests that we might be seen. He reaches his hand inside my pants and gets a finger into my ridiculously wet pussy.
He licks his finger while I watch in horror, telling me he just wanted a taste.
I still have his text message from that train home.
"I am sitting on the train sucking my finger.
Fuck you taste good.
People are looking at me like I am crazy."
What had I gotten myself into? I think I have the idea of fairy tales mixed up, you are supposed to run from the beat so he doesn't eat you - not encourage him to feast.
But then again maybe red riding hood would of been much more interesting if she'd at least let the wolf eat her out.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Finding the beast
So yesterdays story ended with me getting thoroughly fucked on a tatami mat room in the middle of Tokyo. But where does it start? I could say it started with my first memories of masturbating to fantasies of pain and humiliation before I even knew what sex was. The problem is that would bore both of us, I can bore us with background later. Lets get to the fun part and find the beast.Once upon a time a young woman sets off to distant lands seeking adventure, change and a way to postpone starting serious adult life...
I arrived in Tokyo pretty much clueless. I didn't have a job or know a single person, I did, however, have complete faith that it would all work out. I just needed to kill time, lots of anti-social, jet lagged hours of time until it did. This is where Internet comes in.
Now let me pause for a moment to swear my unwavering love to Internet my friend, lover and companion through many sleepless nights. I love Internet, but I also shamelessly use him horrendously. I expect him to entertain me, inform me, help me, keep me company, guide me and most importantly turn me on and get me off, all without giving him anything in return. However, Internet and I have one thing in common in that we are both masochists and thankfully he gladly takes my abuse and keeps on giving.
So I am crawling all over Internet turning myself on with the dirty stories he whispers in my ear, and the visual stimuli he feasts before my eyes. I am exploring his surface with rapidly moving fingers and riveted eyes. I am using him to get to his other perverted friends in hopes of leaving him for some more tangible action. Poor Internet.
It is during my use of Internet that my beast finds me. One of my comments in a pervert forum screams out prey to him and he moves in to devour. He mails me and we start mailing back and forth. Its fast and rampant and we know we want to get rid of Internet. Threesomes are fun and all but now Internets use is over and hes in the way. My beast calls me. We chat, well actually he interrogates me in a sexy Italian like accent. He wants to know all about my experiences, my past sex life, my bdsm interests, the works. I am thinking this is rather forward for a first call but I answer everything, glad he cant see my red face. I'm already his and every thing I admit to him gets filed in his mind for future ammunition. He suggests we meet, and I quickly agree silencing the common sense meter that reads:
THIS IS A FREAKIN BAD IDEA!!!
I have no idea why it was telling me that, I was only planning to traipse across a city I had no clue about, with a language I couldn't speak, where I knew no one and meet someone I had talked to once -on the phone and who I knew itched with every fiber of his body to make me hurt and make me scream. Oh well, it will be safe in a public area...right?
And so a few days later I find myself incompetently navigating Tokyo's metro system, the train steadily drawing me closer to the jungle of Shibuya where my beast lies in wait...
And so a few days later I find myself incompetently navigating Tokyo's metro system, the train steadily drawing me closer to the jungle of Shibuya where my beast lies in wait...
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Getting clean was never this dirty before
Bedtime Story #1
I am a slave. Well sort of a slave, I am a slave whenever my boyfriends asks it of me, the rest of the time I am his girlfriend and a confident, successful woman that doesn’t betray a hint of the slave inside. So how did he get me to become his slave, a woman like me, a modern day feminist who insists on equality? The truth is we were lucky and found each other. Pain and pleasure are wired differently in my brain and submitting to one person makes me feel free not restrained. He gets hard from a girl submitting to him out of choice, he loves controlling both her pleasure and her pain and bringing her to new levels of sexual fulfilment. A match wouldn’t you say.
So please get comfortable and relax as I begin this, the first of my completely true bedtime stories for perverts.
Once upon a time (a few hours ago) in a land far away (Tokyo)...
Two lovers, M and s are wandering home in the rain from the movies cursing themselves for their stupidity in forgetting to bring umbrellas. Drenched and shivering they peel their clothes off and jump into the warm embrace of a hot bath.
Now apologies but it is important to interrupt this story to note two important facts
1. This is Japan so the shower and bath are in the same small room but separate.
2. M has a spectacular body. He’s 30 years old, dark European features, muscular and well, yeah hot.
And we resume
M gets overheated first so climbs out to rinse himself. S still relaxing in the tub cannot help but notice his spectacular body dripping with warm running water and M cannot help but notice s’ body and the way her breasts are not quite covered by the water. Simple math results - M gets hard and s gets wet. S is much less able to control herself and reaches out impulsively to pull that cock into her mouth (for you details lovers, yes it’s big). She kneels in the bathtub and the shower water pelts her face as she begins sucking greedily on M’s cock. M has decided to allow this intrusion in his showering routine and sinks a fist into her hair to encourage her administrations.
Now like all good bedtime stories tales there must be a villain and a hero, in my story let’s just say there is M and then there is M². M² will be making guest appearances so please make room for his first one now. M² is loving having his cock sucked but it is not quite enough, he feels like s playing with her pussy under the water would give a nice visual addition and what he feels like he gets. He also thinks this is just way too easy for s and feels that his hand brutally restricting her air and forcing her head back against the wall while his cock chokes and buries itself deep in her throat would make things a lot more fun. M² gets what he feels like.
S is chocking and gagging and coughing and gasping. Her fingers are frantically stimulating her pussy as per order and M² realises that s is enjoying this all just a little too much, it’s much more fun when she isn’t. He pulls out his cock leaving her tongue searching and her eyes pleading for it, however when her head moves to follow it he slams it back into the wall, roughly (is there any other way to slam a head into a wall?).
M² stimulates himself smiling at s’ pleading eyes. S doesn’t like begging, she tries to be a good slave but humiliation is much more difficult then whips and pain and brutal fucking. However, s wants that cock back in her mouth choking her, she wants it bad, it is her job to stimulate it and she feels robbed – his hand is doing her mouths job. It is oh so close, but oh so just out of reach. She finally begs and M² relents. M² withdraws. S begs. M² denies. S begs harder. M² relents...and so it continues.
With a few final brutal thrusts deep down s’ throat to bring out a few satisfying chokes and gags, M² has decided he’s had enough. He drags her out of the shower, pulls her into the bedroom and proceeds to create the bedtime ending we all love...A long hard fucking. Which is of course another nights story.
Goodnight fellow perverts.
I am a slave. Well sort of a slave, I am a slave whenever my boyfriends asks it of me, the rest of the time I am his girlfriend and a confident, successful woman that doesn’t betray a hint of the slave inside. So how did he get me to become his slave, a woman like me, a modern day feminist who insists on equality? The truth is we were lucky and found each other. Pain and pleasure are wired differently in my brain and submitting to one person makes me feel free not restrained. He gets hard from a girl submitting to him out of choice, he loves controlling both her pleasure and her pain and bringing her to new levels of sexual fulfilment. A match wouldn’t you say.
So please get comfortable and relax as I begin this, the first of my completely true bedtime stories for perverts.
Once upon a time (a few hours ago) in a land far away (Tokyo)...
Two lovers, M and s are wandering home in the rain from the movies cursing themselves for their stupidity in forgetting to bring umbrellas. Drenched and shivering they peel their clothes off and jump into the warm embrace of a hot bath.
Now apologies but it is important to interrupt this story to note two important facts
1. This is Japan so the shower and bath are in the same small room but separate.
2. M has a spectacular body. He’s 30 years old, dark European features, muscular and well, yeah hot.
And we resume
M gets overheated first so climbs out to rinse himself. S still relaxing in the tub cannot help but notice his spectacular body dripping with warm running water and M cannot help but notice s’ body and the way her breasts are not quite covered by the water. Simple math results - M gets hard and s gets wet. S is much less able to control herself and reaches out impulsively to pull that cock into her mouth (for you details lovers, yes it’s big). She kneels in the bathtub and the shower water pelts her face as she begins sucking greedily on M’s cock. M has decided to allow this intrusion in his showering routine and sinks a fist into her hair to encourage her administrations.
Now like all good bedtime stories tales there must be a villain and a hero, in my story let’s just say there is M and then there is M². M² will be making guest appearances so please make room for his first one now. M² is loving having his cock sucked but it is not quite enough, he feels like s playing with her pussy under the water would give a nice visual addition and what he feels like he gets. He also thinks this is just way too easy for s and feels that his hand brutally restricting her air and forcing her head back against the wall while his cock chokes and buries itself deep in her throat would make things a lot more fun. M² gets what he feels like.
S is chocking and gagging and coughing and gasping. Her fingers are frantically stimulating her pussy as per order and M² realises that s is enjoying this all just a little too much, it’s much more fun when she isn’t. He pulls out his cock leaving her tongue searching and her eyes pleading for it, however when her head moves to follow it he slams it back into the wall, roughly (is there any other way to slam a head into a wall?).
M² stimulates himself smiling at s’ pleading eyes. S doesn’t like begging, she tries to be a good slave but humiliation is much more difficult then whips and pain and brutal fucking. However, s wants that cock back in her mouth choking her, she wants it bad, it is her job to stimulate it and she feels robbed – his hand is doing her mouths job. It is oh so close, but oh so just out of reach. She finally begs and M² relents. M² withdraws. S begs. M² denies. S begs harder. M² relents...and so it continues.
With a few final brutal thrusts deep down s’ throat to bring out a few satisfying chokes and gags, M² has decided he’s had enough. He drags her out of the shower, pulls her into the bedroom and proceeds to create the bedtime ending we all love...A long hard fucking. Which is of course another nights story.
Goodnight fellow perverts.
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